The Day Alone

Monkey & Peanut are with their mom this weekend so Stan and I had the opportunity for some relatively relaxed time. I mentioned the possibility of enjoying time without any kids, not intending to do anything about it, but the idea stuck with me. Every once in a while I'll get to do some errands by myself so I ran through the mental list of household needs. I just couldn't take a day of shopping this weekend so that was out. The bird sanctuary near our house is usually a good spot but I know it well and I was hoping for something more exploratory. Then suddenly I knew I wanted to go downtown to the National Gallery of Art.

I asked Stan if he wanted to go but he wanted to play with his new computer. I asked if he wanted me to take Puddin' but we both agreed that she would be better off playing at home than riding around in the stroller. I hesitated and realized I was reluctant to go by myself. What? I used to adore eating alone at restaurants and taking myself to a movie. But I've become so accustomed to having someone around at all times that I've lost the ability to be alone. That was when I knew that I had to go on this little mission.

I metro'ed downtown (which had its own set of issues - track maintenance in tourist season?,) walked through the pouring rain, and then settled into the gallery. It took me a while to get into an adult mindset. I spend so much of my time filtering experiences/words/ideas to make them understandable to children that I tend to look at everything that way. In all honesty I did still come away with a handful of summer kids' art ideas inspired by the art I saw. You can take the mama out but ...

The details of what I saw don't seem quite so important as the fact that I went. [I did see some lovely art: I'm reassured by the curvaceous women Degas used as his models. Rodin's Thinker has a funny hat-like thing on his head. Matisse did some wonderfully creative work with scraps of paper while recovering from surgery.] The thing I came away with is that it's possible. Freedom is not lost. My wonderful husband gladly took charge of Puddin' for the day because he loves me. He fell in love with an independent woman who, among many other attributes, finds inspiration in artistic expression of many sorts. He wants me to still be that person and will support me in whatever way he can.

Another important lesson of the day is that sometimes I need to get out of the way. Stan is an incredible dad to all three of his girls. He was doing a splendid job as single dad before I came along and hijacked the child care dutites. Puddin' adores her father and he loves her. She cried a little when I left but recovered and the two of them had a great day. Sometimes I need to make myself scarce so they get that needed daddy/daughter time.

I'm grateful for the inspiration floating through my brain, the ideas for paintings, songs (and kids' crafts) that will fill the summer days. I'm grateful for the chance to wander the city at my own pace, following my own inclinations. I'm grateful for renewed joy at being alone. I'm grateful for my fabulous husband. Happy Father's Day Stan.