Run with the wind

Thanksgiving Gobbler 5k in the Outer Banks with my dad and brother. The spouses and children ran the 1 mile Giblet. Ma stayed at the beach house and cooked the turkey.

Pa stayed with me the whole time and encouraged me to run even when the Kitty Hawk winds got me down. Matthew tried to stay with me but he and his long legs felt the need for speed. We watched his bright orange shirt scoot away and wished him well. Thanks to both of them, I finished my first official race and ran my best 5k time ever.

Endurance

A friend said to me recently, "Every time you stand up these days you get smacked down again." I wish that hadn't rung so true. Car issues. Kid issues. Ex-wife issues. Church issues. Just as I come to terms with one, the next issue in the cue steps forward to knock me off my feet again.

Now, to be clear, we're doing ok. Our health and finances are secure. Our family relationships are solid. There are far worse problems to have than the ones we face these days and we're incredibly grateful for the good in our lives.

Still, these are not our best days. Stan and I both want to run away (together. with no children. to somewhere warm.) but we want our children to grow up into mature, responsible adults. Therefore, we get up, dust ourselves off, and face the drama with all the compassion we can muster.

Today was a run day for me. Because of a car issue, I had to change my routine and ended up running a track rather than my usual treadmill. I pounded away the stress, lap after lap, and towards the end, an older gentleman stopped me. "You have a lot of endurance." I responded with something self-effacing and he said "you're doing great." Little did he know, but those were just the words I needed to hear.

I don't have to muddle through or run away for I am a woman of great endurance.

Wet Panty Blues

Potting training has exposed my severe lack of patience. I get disproportionately upset to the mishaps and dirty panties. Why, oh why can't Puddin' just go to the potty? She knows what to do, has all the necessary skills, but won't deliver. She does not want to.

This morning she stood talking to me then squatted and waddled to the bathroom. She called over her shoulder as she penguined away - "Mama, will you go get me new pants please?" grr. I told her I was sad. I told her I was angry. I told her we might have to go back to diapers. In short, I did everything the experts say not to do. My anger and frustration leads her to feel anxiety, which increases her reluctance to try using the potty. Vicious cycle, which adds to the nasty laundry cycle we've already got going. grrr.

The thing is, I know part of the reason she had an accident this morning is that she had a crazy weekend with little downtime and not enough sleep. I also know that most of the reason I'm easily angered today is a crazy weekend with little creative time and not enough sleep. sigh.

I put Puddin' down for a nap and grumpily went to find some indoor cardio options. Did you know that on some websites there's a cardio entry for playing an instrument? Seriously? Squats and push-ups don't count but playing my guitar does? If you play tuba in marching band you totally deserve cardio points but that can't be what they mean because marching band has it's own entry. It's a mad, mad fitness world.

Obviously I chose playing an instrument. It doesn't give me a whole lot of calories burned but the mental health benefits are incalculable. I've practiced and I am a healthier person for it. Bring on the wet panties - I can take it.

(I also did some footloose-style dancing with hand weights but let's just keep that between us.)

New Shoes

Yesterday I finally broke down and bought new running shoes. My knees, ankles, and shins have been begging for them for a while but the shoes that fit my skinny little feet are not a payless purchase. This morning I went for my first run with the new shoes. I had hoped that the shoes would carry a level of excitement all their own and offer some extra oomph. It didn't turn out that way.

A few months ago I set up a plan in which I HAVE TO run every Monday, Wednesday, & Friday. I usually take Puddin' in the jogging stroller and sometimes have Monkey & Peanut on their bikes. On rainy days I still have to go out but I get the luxury of going by myself. This is the first time in my life that I've been able to keep up a consistent exercise plan for any length of time and I'm pretty proud of myself for the endeavor so far.

At the beginning of the summer I was running a lovely little loop through the neighborhood past some gorgeous lawns and under lots of trees. I like this route a lot but it's too short. I made the decision that fitness demands more mileage so I went back to a longer route I've run in the past that is down a more major road with more traffic and little natural beauty to encourage me. Since making this shift I have been an unhappy runner. I'm still going three times a week but I don't want to. Let's do that again but this time imagine it with full whine - but I don't want to! This is not sustainable.

My shiny new shoes helped a little today. Running without aches helps relieve both physical and mental stress on the matter. Given my love of shoes, though, I had expected a bigger boost of motivation. This problem is bigger than shoes can fix and I'm currently at a loss. Any suggestions?