Gifts

We have a lot of birthdays and an anniversary coming up in the next month so we're thinking a lot about gifts. One of those birthdays happens to be mine and I'm often the one organizing the gifts. Monkey sat before me one day quiet, with a wrinkled brow, and finally managed to say that she just didn't know how she would get me a present for my birthday. I explained to her that what I most want is time with her. I want to have fun together, play games, talk, and enjoy each other.

I'm pretty satisfied with my number of possessions and there are very few things I desire. (If anything, I need to purge.) There are lots of non-things I desire, though. I want to be known and accepted. I want to be worth noticing. I long for more time with people that I love. And for one day each year, I want the world to revolve around me (but I'm willing to share with other folks who share my birthday.) Rather than have folks spend their money on me, I'd much rather they spend their time. Then again, time is such a precious commodity, am I really willing to ask folks to part with that costly a gift?

This week I ended up with more Monkey & Peanut time than usual. I tried to think of that time in the same terms as the good gift of time that I desire. Their mom got sick so they missed their usual weeknight with her. They were frustrated, angry, disappointed, and threw their feelings in my direction. Their dad had a busy week with evenings out of the house. They were confused, worried and lonely. They vented at me. We had lots of time but because they were missing time with the most beloved people in their lives, we weren't able to find much joy together. We had time but not a whole lot of love.

We've got a big family weekend of togetherness coming up. I have grand visions of snuggling on the couch, playing boardgames, art projects, and lots of other ways to spend happy time together. I value time so highly that I often assume it alone can fix just about anything. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that this isn't true. Time without deep love feels like empty space.

I can ask people for their time. It's a measurable commodity that can be divided up and doled out, or not. I don't think I can ask people for their love though. Maybe I should just stick to flowers.