Helping Hands

"We all know well that we can do things for others and in the process, crush them, making them feel that they are incapable of doing things by themselves. To love someone is to reveal to them their capacities for life, the light that is shining in them." - Jean Vanier

Peanut is having a hard year at school. She's in a challenging program and for the first time in her life, she can't do everything on the first try. She's not the best in her class. She has to think deeper than before to find the why & the how behind the answers. Homework, which used to be a blur of quick mastery, has become a battle. When faced with work that requires more than pat answers, Peanut whines and cries and begs for help. It's easy to see that helping her - by which Peanut means tell her exactly how to arrive at the answer - crushes her ability to master the material. Loving Peanut means helping her see that she is capable.

In other areas of life, however, those lines aren't as clear. I'm a willing musician and I take joy from playing, especially in our church services. But if I step in to play guitar at every gap in the schedule, am I undermining someone else's chance to join in? I appreciate hearing another person's perspective because it helps me see the larger scope of  an issue. However, if I listen to a person's gripes, am I cutting off his motivation to do something about the problem? When I see someone hurting I long to draw that person in and hold her in a warm embrace; I want her to feel safe and accepted. But if I stand by someone in crisis without calling him to take action, am I reinforcing his belief that he is powerless?

I'm striving to value the person underneath the stress rather than how I feel when I'm helpful. I'm struggling with the guilt and helplessness I feel when I don't step in to resolve a problem presented to me. Little by little, I'm learning to love others in a way that reveals the light shining within.

To find out more about Jean Vanier check out his entry on Wikipedia. His words are even more powerful in the fuller context of his life. This quote - and most others from my blog - came from a daily email sent out by Sojourners.