Me and My Monkey

Community and friendship are important parts of being human. I've struggled much of my life to find good solid friendships and community where I feel like I have a true place or purpose. Stan has had some of that struggle, although he's also had more success than me. Here in the midst of life with three kids, we've barely got time to manage our own relationship so friendships are becoming increasingly nebulous. Recognizing that neither of us can meet all of the other's relational needs, we often talk about prioritizing friends but it's still not happening. For me, part of that is time but in all honesty, part of it is on purpose. The introvert in me doesn't want to handle the stress of exerting myself. The kid in me still feels scarred from years of being rejected. I thought for sure I'd be over this by now.

Monkey is having friend problems too. Last year some of the people she liked chose not to be her friends anymore but it was ok because she was able to develop some new, and incredibly close, friendships. The two girls she palled around with were delightful people who helped her try new things. They were true friends and didn't pull any of the nasty mind-games that girls that age are prone to. This year neither girl is in her class (one isn't at the school) and she's had to start from scratch in the search for pals. The girls in her class have all paired off into besties and there's no room for Monkey. She's working hard on her friendship skills and even got up the guts to ask a few of them if she could be their friends. They said no. She's tried every thing that any of us can think of and still finds herself without friends, with more than half the school year left to go.

The other day Monkey came home mopey. She was picking on both her sisters, which gave me a clue that maybe something wasn't right. After chatting for a little bit, she said "I don't think I can learn well if I don't have any friends. Friends are a big part of what we do at school and how we learn." The poor dear. The sweet, sweet, lovable darling. I scooped her into my lap and the two of us sat there bewildered and teary-eyed for a little while. I didn't have any way of answering that kind of pain.

There are lots of things that I choose to do, not necessarily for myself but because it sets a good example for the kids. I despise carrots but I try to eat them when they're on my plate. I sometimes take them out with me when I go running, even when it limits my choices. I get up and clean the house even if I don't feel like it. I'm starting to wonder if prioritizing my friends might fit in that category too. Is there a way that overcoming my own friendship fears can help Monkey?