Sweater in a heat wave

Heady perfume of pee and sweat. Walking, wandering, shifting, moving. Rock pillows, bench slat beds. Nothing for blankets but whatever you own. Sweater in a heatwave, fully dressed in August so no one steals your life while you nap. Scrap dinners and hand out snacks. Longing for fruit but getting starbursts. Eventually the longing ends. Constipation, coughs, cancor sores, callouses. No conversation, no touching. Skin longs for skin, mind longs for mind. Only yourself to depend on until you finally give up. Fear of people - will he molest me? Will she snub me? Will they lock me up? Life survived but not lived. Tomorrow can't be better but can easily be worse.

Middle Sister Rebel Red

Rebel Red
Middle Sister Wines
Santa Rosa, California
$8

Every once in a while I feel the need to be rebellious. Well, truth be told, it's more than every once in a while but that's another story. I was having one of those moments in a place where having a glass of wine is looked on as sin of the highest degree. I saw this bottle and decided it was meant to be.

The wine wasn't great but was all that I needed it to be for the evening. The first sip was harsh but after about 10 minutes in the glass it mellowed a bit. The blend is zinfandel, merlot & cabernet sauvignon so it's never going to get all the way to mellow. For mealtime it would probably need to be matched with pizza or BBQ. In my opinion it has more value as an evening sipper, closing out the day with murderous tv.

So bottom line: it's just fine. The label will entertain but the wine won't impress. It's possible, though, you'll end the night in artist's black or motorcycle leather. Rebel on, my friends.

Playing Favorites

I don't have favorites. No favorite color, food, song, nothing. I even found myself saying one day that my husband was "one of my favorites" because I have so conditioned myself not to have favorites.

I get asked about favorites fairly often and often struggle to defend my lack of answer. It's not that I don't care, I promise. I'm not apathetic to life. I care deeply about the world around me. I want lots of color, lots of food, lots of song, everything. I just don't want to be fenced in. I refuse to choose and thereby let go of the chance to have all the others. If I choose a favorite color does that mean that folks will bring me only that color? If I have a favorite food does that mean I have to have that for every occasion? I don't want to miss out on any of the goodness life has to offer.

Today I'm wondering, though: am I too open-minded? I'm a musician but I don't have a favorite kind of music. I can play bits of different kinds of music but there's not much I do exceptionally well. I like to write but I dabble with visual arts as well. Like an un-cropped photo, I try to fit in everything. Would my artistic endeavors have more substance if I were willing to cut some things out?

I used to think that jack-of-all-trades was a good thing, until I learned the rest of the phrase: master of none. I'm no longer satisfied with the jack's freedom to dabble; I'm ready for mastery. To that end, I'm going to go on record here - on the internet that never forgets anything - to name a few favorites.

• My favorite music is jazz.
• My favorite foods come from Latin America
• My favorite color is yellow. And orange. Wait, can I have green too?

This might take a while. I'm working on it though, because I'm no jack.

Path of Bliss

"The more altruism we develop in a day, the more peaceful we find  ourselves. Similarly, the more self-centered we remain, the more  frustrations and trouble we encounter."
Dalai Lama, from Path of Bliss
I'm testing blogging from my phone today. There are quite a few things to ponder in that statement alone but I also stumbled upon this quote, which I've been meaning to ruminate on. Sitting in a peaceful spot with my coffee, I've decided to test the quote. Will the children - not to mention the general public - cooperate?