Giving up and giving in

We're finally starting to work through the rough transition points and edge back toward the reasonably well-ordered household we are at our peak. One of the transitions we're facing has to do with how Monkey & Peanut interact with Puddin'. Down South, Monkey & Peanut got to man-handle their younger cousins (2 1/2 and almost a year) however they wished. The boys' mom isn't as neurotic on the issue as I am. Monkey & Peanut came back expecting to treat Puddin' the same way. I'm trying hard to trust them with more responsibility and they've agreed to abide by some short term guidelines (there has to be a parent watching if you want to pick her up). It's hard for me to let them make mistakes with my baby. I don't want them making decisions for MY baby. I want to raise her the way I want. When I'm honest with myself I have to admit that part of it is trying to avoid their mom's influence on my daughter as much as possible. It's petty, I know - I'm working on it.

They're also asking for more opportunities like putting Puddin' to bed. No! I'm not ready to give it up yet! I want to keep that to myself! I already have to share with Stan; isn't that enough? During the school year and while they were gone this summer I was Puddin's only consistent playmate. She didn't want to go with anyone else and Mama reigned supreme. Now that Monkey & Peanut are here during the day I don't get to spend much play time with her. She's playing with her sisters nearly every waking moment and delighted by everything they do. I know it's really good for all three of them. I'll also admit that it allows me more time, and keeps me a little more centered in the adult world. I miss being the center of Puddin's world though. All those times that I felt on the outs in my household I comforted myself with the idea that at least one of the kids was with me no matter what.

I've blogged before about the need to get out of the way and let Stan be Dad. By choosing to loosen my grip on Puddin' I allow Monkey & Peanut to work on their own relationships with her. Once again, I find myself pushed to give up what I want for the good of the rest of the family. I have a sneaking suspicion this one is good for me too but I'm not willing to admit that just yet.