Friday, September 23, 2011
The Nearness of You
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Grandfather Moutain
In addition to hiking we also stopped to see the animal habitats. The group that runs the mountain has zoo-like enclosures for local wildlife so that visitors can get acquainted with Blue Ridge natives. The bears were impressive but shy. The deer are a pretty common sight, even in our suburban world. The cougar wouldn't come out to play. The otters, however, were charming. Each of the girls came away with an appreciation of otters and a desire to play with them. Many years ago, my father put a copy of Ring of Bright Water in front of me and I've longed to have otters friends ever since. I hope my daughters will stay interested long enough to read the book with me sometime soon.
Our final stop on the mountain was the fudge shop. The glee was immense, and so was the pile of fudge we carried out of there. Each of us chose a flavor to share and we gorged ourselves on a fudge buffet for the next few days. In case you stop by: the dark chocolate fudge is deceptively simple, and elegantly tasty. Deep, rich chocolate that slowly seeps into the taste buds. Scrumptious.
The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. We arrived at our hotel after bedtime but still decided to indulge in quick late-night family swim. Monkey and Peanut were amazed at the heart shaped jacuzzi tub in the middle of the room. We almost let them use it but ran out of time the next morning. That would have been quite the picture, though. Too bad we couldn't make it work.
We arrived at camp just in time and both Monkey and Peanut went running off to greet their friends, which is just as it should be, but for 24 hours they were ours. These moments are becoming more rare so they are also increasingly valuable. All 5 of us, bound together with love and nature.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Soundtrack of a Meltdown
I sat in my favorite chair just long enough to drink my tea and, while there, listened to my ipod on shuffle. My ipod must have been eavesdropping on my afternoon because the next five songs were each in their own way a perfect accompaniment to the emotional angst of my moment. Here is the soundtrack of my meltdown:
"Not Pretty Enough" by Kasey Chambers
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
"Time After Time" by Eva Cassidy
Sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after time
"Once You've Loved Somebody" by The Dixie Chicks
I should go out tonight
Get on with my life
Break these chains of solitude
With a little luck and a little help
I might even find myself
In the arms of someone new
Once you've loved somebody
It ain't that easy to do
Once you've loved somebody
Like I loved you
"Down In Flames" by Mindy Smith
I would tell you I am happy
If I wasn't so damn sad
And the loneliness both overwhelms and keeps me empty
That's how it's been for a while
And life's so hard
It's the little things that seem to be getting me today, yeah
Life's so hard
But I'm doing what I can to not to be getting down
I'm going down in flames
Going down in flames
I need some direction
I need someone to listen
Someone to tell me that they know
"What it Means to Love" by Meredith Andrews
How could I forget Your face
When all it took was just one day
For me to see it wasn't ordinary
I could never be the same
You took my hand and led the way
I didn't even know Your name
But something happened deep inside me
And I knew life would have to change
So how could I go back to life as usual
And how could I return to who I once was
I just want to take your story to the world
‘Cause you have shown me what it means to love
You healed the sick, You calmed the sea
But Your heart was for the least of these
You came to love the lost and broken
Your cross has set the captive free
Now I no longer live for myself
Your words are so clear
Help me live it loud enough so they can hear
In the space of five songs, I wondered what I had done wrong, and how I could be better; I marveled at the misty changes from the beautiful love we used to share; I contemplated leaving them; I wallowed in the pain and sadness; and then I remembered the love that empowers me to get up from my comfy chair and cook the little rugrats dinner. We were all just fine from that point on. Thank God for grace, tea, and good music.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Sweater in a heat wave
Heady perfume of pee and sweat. Walking, wandering, shifting, moving. Rock pillows, bench slat beds. Nothing for blankets but whatever you own. Sweater in a heatwave, fully dressed in August so no one steals your life while you nap. Scrap dinners and hand out snacks. Longing for fruit but getting starbursts. Eventually the longing ends. Constipation, coughs, cancor sores, callouses. No conversation, no touching. Skin longs for skin, mind longs for mind. Only yourself to depend on until you finally give up. Fear of people - will he molest me? Will she snub me? Will they lock me up? Life survived but not lived. Tomorrow can't be better but can easily be worse.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Middle Sister Rebel Red
Rebel Red
Middle Sister Wines
Santa Rosa, California
$8
Every once in a while I feel the need to be rebellious. Well, truth be told, it's more than every once in a while but that's another story. I was having one of those moments in a place where having a glass of wine is looked on as sin of the highest degree. I saw this bottle and decided it was meant to be.
The wine wasn't great but was all that I needed it to be for the evening. The first sip was harsh but after about 10 minutes in the glass it mellowed a bit. The blend is zinfandel, merlot & cabernet sauvignon so it's never going to get all the way to mellow. For mealtime it would probably need to be matched with pizza or BBQ. In my opinion it has more value as an evening sipper, closing out the day with murderous tv.
So bottom line: it's just fine. The label will entertain but the wine won't impress. It's possible, though, you'll end the night in artist's black or motorcycle leather. Rebel on, my friends.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Playing Favorites

I don't have favorites. No favorite color, food, song, nothing. I even found myself saying one day that my husband was "one of my favorites" because I have so conditioned myself not to have favorites.
I get asked about favorites fairly often and often struggle to defend my lack of answer. It's not that I don't care, I promise. I'm not apathetic to life. I care deeply about the world around me. I want lots of color, lots of food, lots of song, everything. I just don't want to be fenced in. I refuse to choose and thereby let go of the chance to have all the others. If I choose a favorite color does that mean that folks will bring me only that color? If I have a favorite food does that mean I have to have that for every occasion? I don't want to miss out on any of the goodness life has to offer.
Today I'm wondering, though: am I too open-minded? I'm a musician but I don't have a favorite kind of music. I can play bits of different kinds of music but there's not much I do exceptionally well. I like to write but I dabble with visual arts as well. Like an un-cropped photo, I try to fit in everything. Would my artistic endeavors have more substance if I were willing to cut some things out?
I used to think that jack-of-all-trades was a good thing, until I learned the rest of the phrase: master of none. I'm no longer satisfied with the jack's freedom to dabble; I'm ready for mastery. To that end, I'm going to go on record here - on the internet that never forgets anything - to name a few favorites.
- My favorite music is jazz.
- My favorite foods come from Latin America
- My favorite color is yellow. And orange. Wait, can I have green too?
This might take a while. I'm working on it though, because I'm no jack.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Path of Bliss
Dalai Lama, from Path of Bliss
I'm testing blogging from my phone today. There are quite a few things to ponder in that statement alone but I also stumbled upon this quote, which I've been meaning to ruminate on. Sitting in a peaceful spot with my coffee, I've decided to test the quote. Will the children - not to mention the general public - cooperate?