Genuis and Faith

Over Thanksgiving we were in the Outer Banks, celebrating my dad's birthday. While there we visited the Wright Brothers Memorial.

In case you can't read it, the big word carved into stone there is GENIUS. I asked Stan to pose there and this is what I got. To me, it's perfect. Stan doesn't always relax for pictures but here he looks so comfortable and at ease. Stan is most himself when he's in the world of genius, caught up in the startlingly profound thoughts inside his head.

I have enough genius to hold my own but it's not the place where I thrive. On another corner of the memorial, there's a word that better describes the world I live in. Stan has plenty of faith on his own but of the two of us, I'm much more comfortable with psyche and spirit.

My thoughts are allegory where Stan's are algebra. I like questions and Stan likes answers. We play off each other's ideas and help each other understand. Together, we bring a fullness to life that separately we could never achieve. Together, there is hope that we may find even some small measure of the success the Wright Brothers achieved.

(If you look closely you'll see that I'm slightly uphill from Stan and on my tiptoes. 4 inch heels are helpful for good photos but just won't do for sightseeing.)

Run with the wind

Thanksgiving Gobbler 5k in the Outer Banks with my dad and brother. The spouses and children ran the 1 mile Giblet. Ma stayed at the beach house and cooked the turkey.

Pa stayed with me the whole time and encouraged me to run even when the Kitty Hawk winds got me down. Matthew tried to stay with me but he and his long legs felt the need for speed. We watched his bright orange shirt scoot away and wished him well. Thanks to both of them, I finished my first official race and ran my best 5k time ever.

Words to warm a mama's heart

Today at our house we had one of those non-emergency situations we prepare for that don't happen very often. Monkey commented on the odd event and I said "Yes, but you did exactly what you were supposed to. Thank you." Monkey looked at me for a moment with her head cocked to the side and said "Things go better when I do what I'm supposed to." Amen, my darling, and may it be ever so.

Parenting is Serious Business

Puddin': No Daddy, that's not right.
Stan: Is it ok for me to be silly?
Puddin': Yeah, but not when you're parenting.

Endurance

A friend said to me recently, "Every time you stand up these days you get smacked down again." I wish that hadn't rung so true. Car issues. Kid issues. Ex-wife issues. Church issues. Just as I come to terms with one, the next issue in the cue steps forward to knock me off my feet again.

Now, to be clear, we're doing ok. Our health and finances are secure. Our family relationships are solid. There are far worse problems to have than the ones we face these days and we're incredibly grateful for the good in our lives.

Still, these are not our best days. Stan and I both want to run away (together. with no children. to somewhere warm.) but we want our children to grow up into mature, responsible adults. Therefore, we get up, dust ourselves off, and face the drama with all the compassion we can muster.

Today was a run day for me. Because of a car issue, I had to change my routine and ended up running a track rather than my usual treadmill. I pounded away the stress, lap after lap, and towards the end, an older gentleman stopped me. "You have a lot of endurance." I responded with something self-effacing and he said "you're doing great." Little did he know, but those were just the words I needed to hear.

I don't have to muddle through or run away for I am a woman of great endurance.

A Meal to Be Thankful For

In church this Sunday we talked about world hunger. The speaker - Rev. Paul Montacute - is a regular member of our church who flies around the world with Baptist World Aid, trying to make a difference for folks in need.  Paul ended his sermon by having the congregation snap in time. As we snapped, he reminded us that for each snap, a child somewhere in the world dies of hunger-related causes.

Monkey and Peanut stopped snapping and looked at me with horror on their faces. Sure, they've heard about this before. They're accustomed to the idea of collecting money for world hunger, or giving and sorting non-perishable foods for local distribution. They know the facts but the reality never sunk in. Suddenly, they see how big a deal it really is.

This Thanksgiving, in addition to filling up a rice bowl with the family's spare change, we want to share with Monkey and Peanut (and Puddin' as she can understand) a little more about what it feels like to be in need. Tonight we're going to have a meal where the only thing available is rice, a few lentils and a glass of clean water. This simple meal - almost fasting compared to our normal fare - would be a luxury in some parts of the world. Tomorrow morning, we get to have our fill again at breakfast but most of the world's hungry don't get that option.

This year, Stan and I want our kids to see what a blessed life they really live. Even though we don't have all the latest gadgets or coolest clothes, we have an abundance far beyond our needs. We hope that they will learn to give thanks and praise in all circumstances - in need, in want, and in abundance.

For any who are interested, here are some of the resources we're using:

• Feeding Minds, Fighting Hunger has maps, facts, lesson plans, aimed at elementary kids and teenagers.
• Bread For the World has articles on causes of hunger and poverty, big picture solutions, ways for individuals to get involved, and this little miracle food kids can relate to.
• There are lots of ways to show what global food distribution looks like. Here's a story of how one couple shared a hunger feast.
• Free Rice challenges kids to different sorts of questions and gives away grains of rice for each correct answer. A simple (brain-enriching) way for kids to take part.
• The Water Project has games and lessons for kids of various ages to teach them the importance of water and how it impacts people in poverty.
• And for those who like a tear-jerker, here's a page of stories from hunger-stricken areas around the world. Have your tissue box handy.

Blessings to you all. May you have happy and thankful days ahead.

Three Flamingos

See them there, tall and preening
Shades of pink and rampant queening
Each her own, leading the herd.

Solve a mystery, dance on tiptoes
Make more music, chase that rainbow
Days are full for three flamingos

Halloween 2011

Peanut, the prom queen. We didn't do any coaching for the photo - this is natural. Just imagine when she gets chosen in high school and finally gets her real crown! By the way: Nana, this is one of your tiaras. Peanut did her best to live up to the legacy you left for her.

Monkey, the mouse. We have a handful of photos over the years with her in similar positions. This girl loves pretending and taking on the life of something else. If she could get over her stage fright, she'd have an awesome time in theatre. She has the makings of a scene-stealing character actor.

Puddin', the pumpkin. I kept calling her my pumpkin puddin' pie and she was adamant that she is NOT a pumpkin, nor is she a pie. She is a person and she wants you to respect that. You have been warned.

Gaining Her Balance

Smart and sassy
   full of drama
High emotion
   fuel the flames
Strong and tender
   full of grace
Strum the heartstrings
   spread the love
       So much potential
       So much confusion
       So many questions
       So many concerns
       So much to wonder
       So much to ponder
       So many ways it can
       all fall apart
Smiling and laughing
   full of dreams
Loved and forgiven
   embracing herself

Breaking News!! More Coffee!!

Thanks to frugal-bonvivant.com for the image.

September 29th is National Coffee Day! I've seen this in exactly one source that I don't consider very reliable but it doesn't take much to get me excited about coffee. Rumor has it that there are vendors giving out free coffee but none of the ones I've heard about have very good coffee so I'm going to pass on the free stuff and pay my own way. It's patriotic, after all.

Last night hubby had a meeting and since it was likely to be a long one, I made chocolate chip cookies and iced decaf coffee for the group. Much of the coffee (and a few of the cookies) came back home so Monkey and Peanut have kid-friendly coffee at the ready, which delights them to no end. I think snack this afternoon is going to be mocha-liscious.

Drink up my dears! and have a happy mental health day.

Coffee = Happiness

I don't know if you've heard the news but there's a new study out which found that women who drink coffee are less depressed. Basically, daily is better than weekly, and more is better than less.

There are the usual caveats - the findings are correlative instead of causitive, the study may not generalize well to a normal population, addictive substance, etc. - but from this corner of the world I'd say they're spot on. At our house, a caffeinated Mama is a happy Mama.

So, on this drizzly day of gotta-dos, take a moment to raise a mug to your mental health. Salud!

The Nearness of You

Puddin' sings random songs all day long. Sometimes the songs narrate her day but more often, they are words and sounds strung together in nonsense phrases. Today, in the midst of one of these songs, Puddin' sang the line "it's all ok and I know you love me even when you're not here" and then morphed back into the Dali-esque lyrics she's known for. I took a moment to soak that one in. She knows that she is loved, regardless of whether or not the people offering that love are tangibly present.

Folks often marvel at how well Puddin' expresses herself. Stan and I marvel at how self-aware she is. This tiny person has grasped the concept that love doesn't require physical nearness and has learned enough words to put that deep thought into words that clearly express it. And then she put it to music. I hope to God that she can keep these realizations as she grows.

Then, of course, she starts into something like "that chocolate comes from cows. I only like chocolate that comes from cows," and sets me off on a totally different sort of marveling.

Grandfather Moutain

Our mountain get-away this year was to Grandfather Mountain. We drove most of the way up but did a short hike to the top. The big news is, Puddin' climbed it herself. She needed a little bit of help climbing up rocks half her height but other than that she was a total trooper. Peanut was thrilled to be out and moving so she zoomed ahead repeatedly. Peanut often feels the need to blaze the trail and this was even more true out there on an actual trail. Monkey had a harder time getting engaged but eventually found her groove, looking at rocks.


The other big news is that all three girls climbed the swinging bridge (suspension bridge a mile above sea level, connecting two peaks on the mountain) without a moment's hesitation. I, however, was a wuss. I had horrible images of traumatically losing my family and froze. I think that I could have done it if I were on my own but not with my darlings there, which I pondered fruitlessly while I waited. How can I love the mountains so but have such strong reactions to the height? Is this new since motherhood or did I repress earlier fears out of foolish pride? Maybe some day I'll understand. While I mused, I could see the crew because of Peanut's bright pink shirt. Sitting on the safe side while they climbed very close to the edge was terror-inducing but I passed the time by taking pictures for other families that were just as cowardly as me.

Eventually they came wandering back to me and we all moved along. The little hike down was a bit tougher on Puddin' but she still insisted on doing it all herself. We convinced her to accept a little hand holding and all was well. I find it amazing what small ones will do when we give them the chance. Hopefully I'll remember that tomorrow when they're each asking for something to do.

In addition to hiking we also stopped to see the animal habitats. The group that runs the mountain has zoo-like enclosures for local wildlife so that visitors can get acquainted with Blue Ridge natives. The bears were impressive but shy. The deer are a pretty common sight, even in our suburban world. The cougar wouldn't come out to play. The otters, however, were charming. Each of the girls came away with an appreciation of otters and a desire to play with them. Many years ago, my father put a copy of Ring of Bright Water in front of me and I've longed to have otters friends ever since. I hope my daughters will stay interested long enough to read the book with me sometime soon.



Our final stop on the mountain was the fudge shop. The glee was immense, and so was the pile of fudge we carried out of there. Each of us chose a flavor to share and we gorged ourselves on a fudge buffet for the next few days. In case you stop by: the dark chocolate fudge is deceptively simple, and elegantly tasty. Deep, rich chocolate that slowly seeps into the taste buds. Scrumptious.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. We arrived at our hotel after bedtime but still decided to indulge in quick late-night family swim. Monkey and Peanut were amazed at the heart shaped jacuzzi tub in the middle of the room. We almost let them use it but ran out of time the next morning. That would have been quite the picture, though. Too bad we couldn't make it work.

We arrived at camp just in time and both Monkey and Peanut went running off to greet their friends, which is just as it should be, but for 24 hours they were ours. These moments are becoming more rare so they are also increasingly valuable. All 5 of us, bound together with love and nature.

Soundtrack of a Meltdown

Earlier this week I had a meltdown. The kids were each whining, ignoring, disobeying, or something of that ilk - all at the same time - and it was just too much. I put myself in timeout, pounded my pillows, stomped on the floor, whisper screamed all the things I'm not supposed to actually say, then wiped my tears and went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

I sat in my favorite chair just long enough to drink my tea and, while there, listened to my ipod on shuffle. My ipod must have been eavesdropping on my afternoon because the next five songs were each in their own way a perfect accompaniment to the emotional angst of my moment. Here is the soundtrack of my meltdown:


"Not Pretty Enough" by Kasey Chambers
Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can


"Time After Time" by Eva Cassidy
Sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after time

"Once You've Loved Somebody" by The Dixie Chicks
I should go out tonight
Get on with my life
Break these chains of solitude
With a little luck and a little help
I might even find myself
In the arms of someone new

Once you've loved somebody
It ain't that easy to do
Once you've loved somebody
Like I loved you

"Down In Flames" by Mindy Smith
I would tell you I am happy
If I wasn't so damn sad
And the loneliness both overwhelms and keeps me empty
That's how it's been for a while

And life's so hard
It's the little things that seem to be getting me today, yeah
Life's so hard
But I'm doing what I can to not to be getting down
I'm going down in flames
Going down in flames

I need some direction
I need someone to listen
Someone to tell me that they know

"What it Means to Love" by Meredith Andrews
How could I forget Your face
When all it took was just one day
For me to see it wasn't ordinary
I could never be the same

You took my hand and led the way
I didn't even know Your name
But something happened deep inside me
And I knew life would have to change

So how could I go back to life as usual
And how could I return to who I once was
I just want to take your story to the world
‘Cause you have shown me what it means to love

You healed the sick, You calmed the sea
But Your heart was for the least of these
You came to love the lost and broken
Your cross has set the captive free

Now I no longer live for myself
Your words are so clear
Help me live it loud enough so they can hear 

In the space of five songs, I wondered what I had done wrong, and how I could be better; I marveled at the misty changes from the beautiful love we used to share; I contemplated leaving them; I wallowed in the pain and sadness; and then I remembered the love that empowers me to get up from my comfy chair and cook the little rugrats dinner. We were all just fine from that point on. Thank God for grace, tea, and good music.

Sweater in a heat wave

Heady perfume of pee and sweat. Walking, wandering, shifting, moving. Rock pillows, bench slat beds. Nothing for blankets but whatever you own. Sweater in a heatwave, fully dressed in August so no one steals your life while you nap. Scrap dinners and hand out snacks. Longing for fruit but getting starbursts. Eventually the longing ends. Constipation, coughs, cancor sores, callouses. No conversation, no touching. Skin longs for skin, mind longs for mind. Only yourself to depend on until you finally give up. Fear of people - will he molest me? Will she snub me? Will they lock me up? Life survived but not lived. Tomorrow can't be better but can easily be worse.

Middle Sister Rebel Red

Rebel Red
Middle Sister Wines
Santa Rosa, California
$8

Every once in a while I feel the need to be rebellious. Well, truth be told, it's more than every once in a while but that's another story. I was having one of those moments in a place where having a glass of wine is looked on as sin of the highest degree. I saw this bottle and decided it was meant to be.

The wine wasn't great but was all that I needed it to be for the evening. The first sip was harsh but after about 10 minutes in the glass it mellowed a bit. The blend is zinfandel, merlot & cabernet sauvignon so it's never going to get all the way to mellow. For mealtime it would probably need to be matched with pizza or BBQ. In my opinion it has more value as an evening sipper, closing out the day with murderous tv.

So bottom line: it's just fine. The label will entertain but the wine won't impress. It's possible, though, you'll end the night in artist's black or motorcycle leather. Rebel on, my friends.

Playing Favorites

I don't have favorites. No favorite color, food, song, nothing. I even found myself saying one day that my husband was "one of my favorites" because I have so conditioned myself not to have favorites.

I get asked about favorites fairly often and often struggle to defend my lack of answer. It's not that I don't care, I promise. I'm not apathetic to life. I care deeply about the world around me. I want lots of color, lots of food, lots of song, everything. I just don't want to be fenced in. I refuse to choose and thereby let go of the chance to have all the others. If I choose a favorite color does that mean that folks will bring me only that color? If I have a favorite food does that mean I have to have that for every occasion? I don't want to miss out on any of the goodness life has to offer.

Today I'm wondering, though: am I too open-minded? I'm a musician but I don't have a favorite kind of music. I can play bits of different kinds of music but there's not much I do exceptionally well. I like to write but I dabble with visual arts as well. Like an un-cropped photo, I try to fit in everything. Would my artistic endeavors have more substance if I were willing to cut some things out?

I used to think that jack-of-all-trades was a good thing, until I learned the rest of the phrase: master of none. I'm no longer satisfied with the jack's freedom to dabble; I'm ready for mastery. To that end, I'm going to go on record here - on the internet that never forgets anything - to name a few favorites.

• My favorite music is jazz.
• My favorite foods come from Latin America
• My favorite color is yellow. And orange. Wait, can I have green too?

This might take a while. I'm working on it though, because I'm no jack.

Path of Bliss

"The more altruism we develop in a day, the more peaceful we find  ourselves. Similarly, the more self-centered we remain, the more  frustrations and trouble we encounter."
Dalai Lama, from Path of Bliss
I'm testing blogging from my phone today. There are quite a few things to ponder in that statement alone but I also stumbled upon this quote, which I've been meaning to ruminate on. Sitting in a peaceful spot with my coffee, I've decided to test the quote. Will the children - not to mention the general public - cooperate?

This is what happy feet look like.

 

Thou Shalt Not Be Bored

Recently we got a notice about a parenting seminar at the elementary school. "What to do with your kids this summer." I figure we're pros by now and there's no reason to waste an evening. Stan urged and almost insisted. Stan was right. I went to the seminar and came home with more ideas than I could possibly use in a summer. It doesn't seem fair to hoard them all so here's a smattering to share with brothers and sisters-in-arms.

Pie made from farmer's market cherries

Kitchen:

• bake and decorate a cake
• kids plan family meal and create shopping list
• have a tea party
• have kids pick foods to try at the farmer's market and plan a meal around what you bring home

Outside:

• watch the sun rise
• sit on the porch or by a window and watch a storm
• go star-gazing
• paint letters, words, and numbers with water and a paint brush
• use crayons and paper to make rubbings of tree bark patterns

Science experiment from last year. We love goop.

Science:

• gather a pile of objects and have kids guess which will sink and which will float
• use ribbon, bubbles, kites to see which way the wind is blowing
• find sources of iron in the house using magnets. Do different magnets behave differently? 
• make goop with corn starch, water, and food coloring
• try to sprout new growth from "garbage" food (carrot tops, potato eyes)

Math:

• take timed walks around the block. Practice telling time as you race to beat your family time.
• have kids throw a ball and then measure how far it went. How does that compare to the next throw?
• have child pick up 1+2+3+4 things in his/her room
• have child add up all the change in your pocket or purse

Service:

• bake for a family friend
• offer to help a neighbor with simple yard work
• write letters to elderly in church congregation or in a nursing home
• pick up litter in the neighborhood

Color experiments

Creativity:

• make cards and send them
• give kids a list of words and have them write a story using as many as possible
• write a song together
• have child draw on paper with a white candle then paint over it with watercolors
• study the work of one artist and see if children can imitate the style
• place 1 or 2 drops of food coloring on opposite sides of a bowl of milk. stand back and watch them swirl. (this moves to science if you talk with the kids about why it works that way.)

Active:

• garden
• observation walks
• create an indoor bowling alley with empty coke bottles and a rubber ball
• hide a treasure, make a map, and send them on their way.

This is our dentist's office.

Imagination:

• have child choose 4 to 5 pictures and then number them. The child tells a story using each of the pictures. 
• take an imaginary space trip with your child
• visit ethnic shops, food stores, and restaurants. Look at maps to plan your trip, and use books to set the stage before you go and review the culture afterwards.
• camp out in the living room. tell stories by flashlight.

Processing Summer:

• make a poster or scrapbook from ticket stubs, program notes, etc as the summer goes on
• keep a journal with drawings and thoughts from each day or each outing
•  use a large calendar to write messages, weather reports, or notes on activities

I hope these ideas help you and your children (not to mention me and mine) have blissful summer fun. Just a reminder, the vast majority of these ideas are not my own but came from a swath of parenting resources. I wish I could credit the creators but like much parenting brilliance, these ideas came without bylines.

Error Codes

Blogger (blogspot) has not been functioning terribly well this week. There was some update that went badly and then they had to restore to a previous state. Most of this has been fixed but somewhere in the midst of it, my blogger profile is tainted. I finally figured out how to get into editing and posting through a few sneaky tricks but if I try the official method I end up with a variety of error codes. This got me thinking ... what if there were error codes parenting?

ERROR_ARENA_TRASHED
There are too many toys in this room.

ERROR_BAD_ENVIRONMENT
Someone is cleaning your room today. Who will it be?

ERROR_TOO_MANY_THREADS
There are 17 dirty pairs of underwear under your dresser.

ERROR_CHILD_NOT_COMPLETE
Homework must be complete before dancing naked down the hall.

ERROR_ARITHMETIC_OVERFLOW
Each child is responsible for her own homework.

ERROR_WAIT_NO_CHILDREN
Tell a parent where you are going before you leave.

ERROR_NESTING_NOT_ALLOWED
Worms stay in the dirt - the outside dirt.

ERROR_NO_VOLUME_LABEL
Spiders are not grounds for shrieking.

ERROR_SHARING_VIOLATION
Do not steal the preschooler's toys.

RPC_S_PROXY_ACCESS_DENIED
Proper identification required for Mama's 4-inch heels.

ERROR_DEVICE_DOOR_OPEN
Close the fridge. Close it. Really. Close the fridge NOW!

ERROR_NOT_ENOUGH_QUOTA
Eat your vegetables.

ERROR_BAD_FUNCTION_TABLE
You left dishes on dinner table for someone else to clean up.

ERROR_VIRUS_INFECTED
Washing hands after potty is not optional.

ERROR_ILLEGAL_FLOAT_CONTEXT
Flush the potty.

ERROR_ATOMIC_LOCKS_NOT_SUPPORTED
Your hair is still full of shampoo bubbles.

ERROR_NETWORK_BUSY
Stop interrupting my sentence.

ERROR_EXTRANEOUS_INFORMATION
I don't need to know what color shoes your teacher wore today.

ERROR_BAD_ARGUMENTS
Don't make me settle this. You don't like my solutions.

WAIT_TIMEOUT
Next time settle the argument for yourselves.

ERROR_FAIL_SHUTDOWN
Go back to bed and stay there this time.

ERROR_NO_INHERITANCE
Just you wait.

That should get me started. What error messages would you like to see for your daily life?

From the mouth of preschoolers

Puddin's song of the moment: "A big daddy and a short mama."

I have no idea what the rest of the lyrics are since she went to mumbles and hums after that. It must be a work in progress. I also have no idea what prompted the song at this particular time. I know that she does speak truth, however. Notice in the picture here that my feet are barely touching the ground and yet Stan's knees are bent past 90˚.

On a different note, Stan and I should have our picture taken together more often. I had to go back to last summer to find anything with both of us in it that didn't center around children. Seeing this, I'm longing for summer and vacation and time to enjoy life with my darling dear. The busyness of spring is wearing me out.

World Cocktail Week: 2011

 I often think that it would be lovey and sophisticated to have a cocktail but then I look at a recipe, look at a wine bottle, and just can't pull myself together for the increased effort. Plus, I really do love wine a whole lot.

Once a year, though, Stan and I branch out. Somewhere along the way, someone decided that May 6-13 would be World Cocktail Week. [click here for the when/where/why] For this week each year, Stan and I set aside the wine and have a different cocktail each night after the kids go to bed.

Thursday, May 5: The week hasn't officially started but Stan and I decided to warm up (and give a shout to Cinco de Mayo) with a South of the Border (Tequila, Kahlua, Lime.)
     The recipe said to rim the glass with a 50/50 brown to white sugar mix. Huh? That really shouldn't be necessary so we skipped that step. Since I don't like the super sweet stuff and adore the tart of lime, the decision worked well for me. Stan's sweet tooth balked at the pucker, though, so next time [which might end up being next year] we'll make that extra effort.

Friday, May 6: The official start. Gin Fizz (Gin, simple syrup, lemon, club soda.)
     I don't know how I've managed to not have this before. Gin is my favorite spirit. Citrus is my favorite flavor. Bubbly is my favorite water. This drink was tailor-made for me but somehow I've missed it all these years. Gin Fizz was a slam dunk, except that we weren't sitting on the deck of the cruise ship but instead in our living room after dark. Cool, refreshing, light, and a small enough amount of alcohol that I could still drive the speed boat if I needed to. (and if I had one.)

Saturday, May 7: Stan started installing our new microwave as a Mother's Day present. There were far more difficulties than expected and he included Monkey & Peanut as junior electricians. Finally, an hour past kid bedtime, they hit a hurdle that couldn't be jumped that night and called it quits - with the new microwave still on the floor. After all that work (while I played math games on my phone) Stan made a grocery run to buy me flowers. For all that and more, the drink of the day was Stan-centric. Mud Slide (vodka, Kahlua, Bailey's, cream) but not the frozen kind, which would have required cleaning the kitchen a little bit.

Sunday, May 8: We had a big family shabang for Mother's Day and I'm pretty much always in charge of bringing the drinks. We packed up a mini-bar and hit the road. (Many thanks to Pa who helped out with all the stuff I forgot - namely the equipment. I didn't forget any ingredients but didn't take a lick of bar ware. The three choices of the day were Daquiri (light rum, lime, simple syrup,) Parisian Blonde (dark rum, triple sec, cream,) and XYZ (light rum, triple sec, lemon.) The Daquiri (classic, not frozen) was the big hit of the night. The second batch we made used a light/dark rum mix and a lemon/lime mix. It went over quite well but we're not sure if it was the actual ingredients or the accumulation of them. It has been suggested that Parisian Blonde would be better with chocolate ice cream instead of the half & half we used. Also, by the time we got around to making the XYZs we were out of light rum and had to use dark instead. This turned out just fine but would probably be more lovely in the lighter version.

Remember the part at the top where I mentioned that hard work of cocktails vs. the ease of wine? Three drink choices, 6 adults, lots of juicing. It was worth it: we enjoyed tasting and experimenting, which is what this week is about for Stan & me. Next get-together we're going back to wine though.

Monday, May 9: Kamikaze (Vodka, Triple Sec, lime, simple syrup.)
    It's like a margarita with vodka. Nice refreshing drink to finish off a day that wasn't refreshing on it's own. Kid drama melted away as I sloshed gently into relaxation. Note to self: light dinner and then cocktails doesn't work so well. And that was with the toned down version of the recipe.

Tuesday, May 10: Maiden's Prayer (Gin, Triple Sec, Lemon Juice.)
    I came home from Bible study and Stan met me at the door with this suggestion. I love the simple play on events here. I don't think Stan did it on purpose but maybe we should give him credit anyway. We had to substitute lime juice since we'd run out of lemons. Don't know if you noticed but so far this week only two of the eight drinks haven't requited lemon or lime. Citrus pleases me greatly. This week has been hard on our citrus stash - although we're flush in grapefruit right now. Not too many drinks calling for grapefruit, which is a shame, if you ask me. Anyway, the drink was a little more bracing than a maiden might want with lime but would be lovely and subtle in the lemony version called for.

Wednesday, May 11: White Russian (vodka, Kahluà, milk.)
     This is a go-to drink for Stan so it's sort of cheating when we're supposed to be exploring. We had a lot going on with a school activity so we went simple for this night.

Thursday, May 12: Sea Breeze (vodka, cranberry juice, grapefruit juice.)
     We finally found a way to use our grapefruits! This one is light and breezy (go figure,) the kind of drink I could easily drink too much of accidentally.

Friday, May 13: Grand 'O (Grand Marnier, orange juice, soda water, lemon juice and a strawberry garnish.)
     I wanted to finish the week with a bang- something totally new and unheard of in our house. I noticed we had plenty of Grand Marnier so I checked their site and found this recommendation (among many other tasty-looking options.) The lemon and orange blend nicely with the Grand Marnier so make a rich, tangy treat.


On Saturday night, Stan and I had a date and I jumped at the chance to go to a wine bar for dinner. The adventure of cocktail week is great fun - and we'll probably play along again next year - but it's good to be back in the grape.

Sliding Through

Lately I've felt like I'm falling. I haven't been able to piece together enough time to get all the good or important stuff done. I keep thinking there's just one more busy week to get through but then another appears.

Last night I felt the weight of 20 years on me - as in, we're going to be having these same struggles almost daily for the next 20 years. What an utterly depressing thought. 20 more years of flailing as I fall into the abyss, waiting for solid ground.

But tonight a different thought occurred to me: what if it's not falling but sliding? What if the spasms of terror, the pitted stomachs and the sloshy perspective are all just part of the joy in the ride? As we give in to gravity and the laws of physics we find ourselves on a ride that brings excitement. As I give in to the laws of human nature and accept the relationships around me, I find myself on a ride that brings unexplainable pleasure.

Like going down a slide, I willingly put myself into the position of fear and anxiety again for the rush that comes with momentum. And like the slide, I know that I'll soon enough hit solid ground - and climb right back up the ladder to do it all again.

Bundled in Boston

 Last weekend our family trekked to Boston to watch our friend run the marathon. I spent many Patriot's days watching and cheering during my years in Beantown and it was great fun to share the experience with my family.

We stayed with our dear friend Brie, who should win a Hostess of the Year prize in addition to her many accolades as an all around fabulous person. She even taught Monkey & Peanut how to crochet. Thanks Brie!

We found a great spot to cheer the runners on, not long after Heartbreak Hill. Monkey & Puddin' were reluctant at first but with a little coaching got into the spirit of it. They enjoyed being loud but even more so, they enjoyed seeing the difference their cheering made on the runners.

Puddin' had a harder time. She was overwhelmed by the noise and commotion. She reluctantly cheered a little for this picture but mostly just wanted to be held, sheltered from the masses around her. This week, however, she's reliving some of those moments. Puddin' started a marathon game where we take turns running and cheering each other on.

Here's our friend Bob, in the lime green shirt. Wahoooo!

After a yummy late lunch (scrumptious Thai from Brown Sugar Cafe) we headed over to Harvard Square for treats. Peet's coffee for me, Burdicks chocolate for the rest. Here's Stan checking out the menu with Puddin' and Monkey. They all thoroughly enjoyed their choices, and I'm still basking in the coffee glory with Garuda blend that Brie sent home.

With the whole gang in tow, I didn't get the chance to visit with as many friends as I would have liked. But I'm very grateful for the time I did have. Thanks especially to Jess, John & Sophia for changing your schedule to come have dinner with us. I got to have one of my favorite dishes with one of my favorite people.

Thanks also to Misch and Tara for letting me crash the baby shower. It was great to celebrate with you and be part of the baby phases in your lives.

We did a family photo shoot at the BU beach, the largest plot of grass on my alma mater. (although, BU wasn't very nourishing for me so the title must be said with tongue planted in cheek.) I love how the kids personalities show up in each photo.

A big thanks to Bill, who helped Bob, his family, and a few runner friends find a fabulous and cheap place to stay for the weekend. Bill, who already had a place in my heart, took wonderful care of my friends and went out of his way to be generous to people he had never met. This guy is a testament to the love and grace of God and I'm blessed to know him.

Taking Monkey & Peanut was a last minute change to our plans but I'm so glad it turned out that way. We had a great time sight-seeing, eating, cheering, and riding the T. I'm so grateful to the friends who helped me share my former city with my family. And I'm grateful to Stan for tolerating the cold & drizzle: next vacation will be warm, I promise.

Circles of Influence

This week has been spring break at our house. We got back from a road trip to Boston and the next day the kids were a little at a loss without masses of extra stimulation. At the first complaint I sent Monkey outside with a list of things to find: different species of birds, trees, mammals, & flowers. Peanut hurriedly grabbed a clipboard and went to join her sister. Together they marched around the yard and then up and down our street. They came back with pictures and written descriptions of all they had seen.

Before they could switch modes I handed them a large beaded necklace and told them to spread it out as a circle somewhere in the yard. Their assignment, after Monkey calculated the area, was to list all forms of life they found within their circle. Puddin' just HAD to have a circle too so they all ran off with their magnifying glasses to work on their assignment together.

Later I mentioned something to Monkey about science time and it took her a few moments to figure out what I was talking about. It seems the kids consider this kind of thing completely normal, which this nerdy mama finds wonderfully comforting.

Wet Panty Blues

Potting training has exposed my severe lack of patience. I get disproportionately upset to the mishaps and dirty panties. Why, oh why can't Puddin' just go to the potty? She knows what to do, has all the necessary skills, but won't deliver. She does not want to.

This morning she stood talking to me then squatted and waddled to the bathroom. She called over her shoulder as she penguined away - "Mama, will you go get me new pants please?" grr. I told her I was sad. I told her I was angry. I told her we might have to go back to diapers. In short, I did everything the experts say not to do. My anger and frustration leads her to feel anxiety, which increases her reluctance to try using the potty. Vicious cycle, which adds to the nasty laundry cycle we've already got going. grrr.

The thing is, I know part of the reason she had an accident this morning is that she had a crazy weekend with little downtime and not enough sleep. I also know that most of the reason I'm easily angered today is a crazy weekend with little creative time and not enough sleep. sigh.

I put Puddin' down for a nap and grumpily went to find some indoor cardio options. Did you know that on some websites there's a cardio entry for playing an instrument? Seriously? Squats and push-ups don't count but playing my guitar does? If you play tuba in marching band you totally deserve cardio points but that can't be what they mean because marching band has it's own entry. It's a mad, mad fitness world.

Obviously I chose playing an instrument. It doesn't give me a whole lot of calories burned but the mental health benefits are incalculable. I've practiced and I am a healthier person for it. Bring on the wet panties - I can take it.

(I also did some footloose-style dancing with hand weights but let's just keep that between us.)

Not My Job

As a stay-at-home, my job description is fuzzy at best. My husband cooks a little on weekends but for the most part it's my job. Homework time is my domain. Instrument practice, ferrying to lessons - mostly me. Feeding the preschool mind - me. I know that cleaning is my job but I rarely get to that one. Laundry - my life sentence.

In the midst of this I'm also volunteering, practicing my own arts, keeping up with world events, and trying to get myself healthy. I never get to it all in one day but in a good week I hit all the marks at least once. Balance is elusive: I bounce briskly from one activity to the next, all the while wishing I could float gently instead. Just as I find myself holding steady, something comes along to knock me off my beam. Tonight was one of those nights.

Peanut is a bright enough child that she was placed in an accelerated program this year. She's never had to work hard before so this year has been a shock. She's a dramatic child with a history of histrionics. When she feels her world is off-kilter, she flips out. My job is to right her keel and get her sailing smoothly again. I have my own dramatic tendencies so I've got to be in a good state when working with her. I calm myself. Together we calm her. We talk through the hard emotions and help her understand her world. We look at the problem she's facing and find strategies to solve. Finally, she can go back to her homework - hopefully without anymore meltdowns. It's been getting better lately, though. I thought we were through the worst of it.

Today, we had another messy fit. Turns out her teacher gave her math homework that she had no concept how to do. We looked through the math journal for evidence that the work had been taught at some point but no. Instead we found months worth of incomplete and incorrect school work. This journal is supposed to live at school so we never see it. It's astoundingly bad. Our little math genius does not have a clue what she's supposed to do with this journal. It's a mess of scribbled notes and badly glued worksheets. Our curious kid who loves to learn is now convinced that she's not good enough. Bad teaching has killed her curiosity.

So now, in addition to the bathrooms that need to be scrubbed and the mounds of laundry I could lose my preschooler in, I have a new title: I am now a math teacher. To be fair, I do have a degree in education, with a significant chunk focused on teaching math. And my brilliant physicist hubby will play an admirable role as co-teacher, but he has to go earn our money so there's only so much teaching time for him. Peanut is going to be ok. She's got parents who love her and who have the skills to make up for the appalling teaching her school has provided. The point is, it's not my job. If this is the way it has to be, the school could at least do a little laundry for me. It's only fair.